Ten months ago, my job moved my family to South Texas. Our family found a great church in our neighborhood that loves Jesus and is growing. We attend... mostly. I volunteer... kinda. We're committed to the community of believers... unless something comes up. Personally, I've just become more of a back-seat participator our new church - enjoying my view from the cheap seats.
During these last 10 months, I've struggled with my relationship with Jesus and my opinions on the local church. Since leaving WA and getting to TX, I've suffered through the following:
1. Burn Out: Critical emails. Angry phone calls. Passive/aggressive gossip. Back-handed compliments. Hollow praise. Leaving leadership in many ways felt like a great relief. No one was sizing up my every move and trying to tackle me in the aisles of the grocery store. The burden of leadership is heavy and being released from it felt like a relief.
2. Apathy: As the old saying goes, "No one wants to see how the sausage is made." Once you know all the gory details, you can lose your appetite. This is very true in church leadership. You have all the makings of a firestorm if you want one - social cliques, employee relations, financial complexity, and facility maintenance (just the tip of the iceberg). It was easy to forget the "why" when focusing on the "how". I lost my appetite for community once I saw everything that could (and did) go wrong.
3. Laziness: Nothing complicated here. I just didn't want to put out any effort. My brain likes to disguise and justify this one as "freedom". I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it.
4. Selfishness: The clergiosity words here would be pride and/or conceit. The more I stay out of community, the more I am right all the time. And my time belongs to me. I am accountable to no one. I can do whatever I want and no one calls me out on it. Acting like I know best is one of the things I am best at doing. I probably need to repent just for writing that last sentence.
I recently read an article that convicted me greatly about my relationship with the church. If you've never been in church leadership, it may be a bit foreign to you. If you HAVE been in church leadership, it will nail you right in the heart.
The book of Hebrews speaks to group of people to reaffirm and clarify many things they already believe. It ties together the Old Testament scriptures to a modern faith and establishes Jesus as the one and only true God. In the 13th and final chapter of Hebrews, the author sums up the many points of the book and it speaks volumes to me in this season of my life.
Hebrews 13
v.1 "Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters." - It doesn't matter how I feel about community or the church. The term "loving" here is a call to action, not a feeling. Get off the couch, clear the schedule, re-prioritize the priorities, and move out!
v.4-5 "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'" - Speaking of re-prioritizing! I will focus on my most important personal relationships and be content in my blessings. Being discontent is root of nearly every sin I have ever committed.
v.7 "Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith." - I cannot count the number of leaders that have spoken Godly truth into my life and provided righteous examples for me to follow. This speaks to me as an unspoken accountability. I am accountable to all those that know I can do better - and have told and shown me how to do it.
v.9 "Do not be carried away by all kinds of strange teachings." - The cow that eats onions will have milk that tastes like onions. My eyes and my ears consume all day long. My life will be a reflection of what I consume.
v.13 "For here we do not have an enduring city, but we are looking for the city that is to come." - My pastor and mentor in WA used to tell me (and everyone) all the time: "Keep the main thing the main thing." In the big picture of community and the church and leadership, it is all fleeting. We are here to worship Jesus, introduce others to Jesus, and grow closer in our relationship with Jesus. The focus is eternal. It's bigger than the latest catastrophe or situation.
Doug
